i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
