Screwed.edu
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
