I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Even my vagina gasped.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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