you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I look excited, but its just a facade.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
