dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
