Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
