Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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