you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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