I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
