so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
