We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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