I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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