I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
