i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
