God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
My penis needs a shock collar
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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