so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
