his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
