genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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