my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
