you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize