I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
