that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
