So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
