smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
