my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I think my moral compass just broke
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
