I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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