I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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