I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
