Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
