I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
