I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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