i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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