I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
