My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
They took my balls.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize