gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
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