In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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