I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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