So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
