its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
