What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
