i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
