Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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