Umm I'm too high to move.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
