I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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