singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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