ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
not ubering you a puppy
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
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