I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Operation Purity has been aborted
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Randomize
