Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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