I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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