I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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