He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
