he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
