I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
