Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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