I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
