And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
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