We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Randomize
