goodnight i made you a song goodbye
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
