i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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