At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
