I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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