Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
