His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
