Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
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