When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
How does it feel to date your dad?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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