He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
