We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
You're like the curious george of whores
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
