Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
