He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
