come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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