keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
