The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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