He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
