last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
